Thanksgiving Weekend in Dover, DE

i hope that everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving Day with the ones they love. i know i did!!!

as you may remember, i mentioned that my godsister & her kids moved to Delaware over the summer. so she invited me, mommy, lala, her mother & sister to spend the weekend out there & to check out Dover, DE. we had a lot of fun but then again anytime we are together, it's always fun. Lala missed the kids so much that when we got in @ 2:30 am, they were up till 5 talking & hanging out in the living room. we didn't get to sleep till 6 am talking and preparing all the food.

the next day, the kids went to the park & we headed to Wally World {Wal-Mart}. NYC needs one & badly, of course i had to buy a few things. Thanksgiving Day was awesome, dinner was fulfilling & everyone was happy. later that night, we headed to the Casino's for a bit of gambling, drinking & sightseeing. we returned home @ 3 am then stood up watching a movie till 6am.

all in all, we had fun. even thinking about relocating to Dover, first i'll need to get a job & thank God there are quite a few Universities out there. None like where I am but my daughter's best interest in education, safe neighborhood to live in and peacefulness-along with some down time with her cousins. we'll see, just have to leave things in the hands of the Lord.

BTW, my all this is what i walked out of the Casino with & i'm still happy because i had a wonderful time with family.

Orlando Came & Left

so Thursday was the big 32 & to be honest it didn't faze me the least. strange when i was 25, i went on a 7 day cruise with my girlfriends and ended up having a mid-life crisis. sad & depressed & in the middle of the Caribbean Islands thinking that i haven't accomplished anything and that i was getting old and getting nowhere fast. now, i don't even see it that way; i am actually trying to count my blessing without the "buts" it's not easy for me but i'm getting there.

orlando came to town because one of his best friends was getting married & he was in the wedding. he bought along Neal {another best friend} and though the visit was just till Sunday, i enjoyed every moment with both them. looking forward to going to West Palm Beach & hanging out with them, haven't been there in 8 yrs.

i had a wonderful weekend with a friend, stayed home, watched movies & that's all ya need to know. sunday morning i went to mommy's house to spend the day with them, by the afternoon we were shopping and then once we got back to mommy's my cousin was there with his family {pic below}. my cousin came by to bring his kids over so that we can see how much they have grown, he hasn't seen his kids in 6 yrs. because he was fixing his papers here so he can become a resident. he finally got it done and now he isn't an immigrant, as i like to put it {i say this w/love}. after that a family friend & her husband drove Anthony {Orlando's middle name} & Neal to the airport & we came home.

my dad bought me my computer chair, mommy got me my bathroom set, my step-mother bought me pj's for DR, Anthony gave me money, and Lala made me 2 birthday cards.

the official birthday will kick off during Thanksgiving Weekend in Delaware. Vivian's birthday is the 25th & we will be celebrating it then. looking forward to getting out of the hood for a little bit, change is what i need. speaking off change, CONGRATS TO OBAMA & his success.

my daughter witnessed something greatly historic & what better birthday gift could a girl ask for.

Barack Obama for President

we remember that i have a 9 year old daughter and who @ times i believe is 19 years old. she is way to mature for her age, of course when it benefits her.

this child has been up and down the streets of NY letting everyone know how she feels and who needs to be president of the US. in her world, she is voting for Obama. cute :-)

friday i picked her up from afterschool {fridays are club days} and she was in her Nutrition class {not cooking class}. she and a few friends were in the middle of a deep discussion on Obama & McCain. the poor teacher was trying to teach them about the different toppings you can put on an apple slice instead of eating just a plain ole apple. god bless her, for not wanting to tell them to shut up, turn around & listen.

Lala, J, & A were telling H that she needs to be voting for Obama because McCain doesn't know what he's talking about. H tells them that her mother & her are voting for McCain because he has more experience & knows what he's talking about. J tells H that she has no business voting for McCain because she is Spanish & poor that they need a black man to help them out. Lala, of course, backs J up & reminds H that everyone is voting for Obama because he is smart & understands what Spanish & Black people are going through & that we need a change. A is standing in back of H chanting, "Obama, Obama, Obama".

A's mother told him to be quiet & sit down & that people can vote for who they thought was the man for the job. Lala tells A's mother that Obama is the man for the job & turns to H & tells her that when he wins she is going to cry because nobody is voting for McCain. She also reminds H that "you never see anyone with a McCain button/shirt". At this point, I tell Lala to be quiet & to pay attention to the teacher so that we can go home.

Because my child cannot vote, she is praying hard that Obama wins. So every night, he is in her prayers and on Facebook I posted a pin just for my baby girl.

Righteous!!!!!

Saturday's Halloween Show

my friend Rachel is an aerialist-silks & she invited a few of her friends to her Halloween performance on Saturday. it was good to see her, Dr. J, DeAndrea & meet a few of their friends. the company would not allow the audience to take pictures after the opener. so I was not able to take Rachel's picture while she was performing.

my date to her performance was Lala & she enjoyed the show, they opened the show with a "Thriller" number & ended it with a trapeze act. the ending had my heart stopping from time to time whenever the girls would let go of the swing & have the guy on the other swing catch her wrists. lord, did i pray for them while they were performing.

Rachel's performance was beautiful, saw her act on Facebook but watching a video & seeing a live performace are way different. Lala's said that she's beautiful & that her performance was the best by far. Can't wait for her next performance in December. Lala's already marked it on her calendar & is looking forward to it.

Oh Lala, Lala, Lala

what on God's green earth am i going to do with you. love you dearly & there's no doubt about that but sometimes you take to a place that makes me wonder if we are related @ times.

friday was movie night @ her school, we had a wonderful evening watching "the witches". i sat with vincent & she sat with her girlfriends all the way in the back. after the movie ends, i tell her to put on her sweater & jacket. of course, she tells me that her sweater is in her backpack so i look @ the backpack & see that it looks kind of empty. i open the bag & she admits that she lost it {as usual} of course I am pissed. wait, it gets better... while on the train going home, i realize that Lala doesn't have her hannah montana purse with her. i ask & she tells me that she gave me the purse while she was hanging out with her friends, i think for a minute & remember that she did no such thing because I had a benefits fair earlier & had a bag full of information & goodies. the only thing i had was her iPod because i saw her friend L with it & she knows that i don't want anyone listening to it. since she doesn't have it & i didn't have that meant that she left in school, you know i was pissed because she lost almost $200.00 worth of stuff in that bag. her DS & all her games, her lotion, wallet & money were in the bag. she's on punishment even if the purse shows up.

saturday mornings we are both in class, so when picked her up after class S {a parent & member of the PTA} handed the purse over to me. after i thanked her she explained how she came about getting the purse {everything was in there}. Lala's friend B saw some girl with the purse & told S that some girl had Lala's purse & was about to leave the school. S stopped the little girl & explained to her mother that the purse her daughter had was not her's & that she needed to hand it over.

yesterday, i find out from S that during after lunch she had to help Lala find her brand new winter coat because she missplaced it. on my way to pick her up the only thing i could was pray that she had found it. while looking through the lost & found, she came across the sweater she lost on friday. though she has both items, her punishment has been extended till January.
no DS, iPod, costume for Halloween, we are not going to see HSM this friday as planned, no tv, no music, will not participate in any activities @ school, and if she loses another thing--she can forget about Christmas.

Greetings Again

I know that I've been a bad girl & haven't written in such a long time. No real reason except that I have been busy with school, tending to Lala {who thinks she's grown}, mommy's still in town, Rodney {older brother} just got laid off & just recently got a new job and of course, the everyday thing that happens to each and everyone of us.....LIFE.

School, my Professor almost made me cry three classes ago. She felt that all I do is rant, in class & in my writing assignment's. She also didn't seem to be to excited that I had already read "Of Mice & Men" for the fifth time & hadn't learned anything new from reading it yet again. Sorry but after reading the books more than three times & having discussions in class, there is anything new to learn if it's already been discussed & you've written papers on the book.

Mommy, love the woman to pieces, even to death but she has got to go back to DR. I am planning on buying her ticket after I come back from DR in January. I understand that she wants me to spend plenty of time @ her house with Lala, but I do have a life that I need to continue to live. Will miss her dearly when she leaves though but lets be honest here, she doesn't want to be here anymore than I want her to stay. I am glad that her knee replacement surgery went well, now she'll be able to stay in DR without having to worry about anything serious. All she needs to do is come for an annual check-up or if she feels that something is wrong. She is getting her last physical exams & prescription meds together so that she doesn't have to come back for awhile.

Over the summer, Vivian {my God sister} & the kids moved to Delaware :-(
She had reasons to move out there, I wish her & the kids the best out there & they know that they are missed greatly over here. It's strange, we've been together since we were four--pre K, Kinder, Catholic School {1st-6th grade}, different JHS, HS, & Colleges but in the same borough of New York. It was hard @ first, not being able to just jump on a train to go to her house & chill for the weekend. Lala misses them all, especially Sully {my Goddaughter}, their is a 6 year difference but they love each other's company. We will be visiting them for Thanksgiving, so Delaware here we come.

As for me, I am working things out with my long distance boyfriend in DR, staying focus in school, saving money, thinking of changing jobs but staying @ the University, thinking on relocating to Florida or maybe even Delaware {Vivian says I'll love it out there} and most importantly, reevaluating my friendship with certain people. Only time will tell what will happen, but I promise to keep you posted.

Ciao

Robin Hood Lala, I Think Not!!!

today Lala decided to be Robin Hood, her version of course is way different then the orginial.
as we all know, when you take something to school & you shouldn't {after many verbal warnings}it gets confiscated until the end of the school. so Miss Robin Hood & two of her other friends decided that instead of practicing for the Talent Show they would go help M find his ball. M convinced them that they can go back to class get the ball & that H can get her DS back as well. Lala {miss adventurous} decided that that was a great idea & that since school was almost over, they will return whatever they found in the crate back to its rightful owner.

however, tweedle dee, tweedle doo, & tweedle fool {Lala the fool}, should have realized that there was no way they would have gotten away with it. they start handing back things to the kids & of course the kids start thanking them & playing w/their returned items. when the teacher so that the kids were not paying attention, she went over to them to see what was going on. kids being kids, they told the teacher who gave them back their stuff & low & behold----I get a phone @ work from her teacher.

Lala is now on punishment, she will not allowed to attend the Afterschool Annual Party on Friday & I am pulling her out of the Talent Show. this is the price she has to pay for her actions, her teacher has asked them to write down what their consequence should be--she's thinking but her punishment as I said before is: she will not participate in the Talent Show, as well as no iPod, no tv, DS, PSP, no phone calls or use of the computer

A Wonderful Week

This week was spent just wonderful, my little brother & niece came for a visit (live in West Palm Beach). My niece just turned 2 on May 16th & boy is she something else, Lala had so much fun with her, she was bathing her, making sure she had milk or juice, feeding her & changing her diapers. The whole time she kept telling me how good she's doing taking care of her baby cousin, hint-she wants a brother/sister. She will have to wait like I told her, I just went back to school & it's kicking my ass.

I am only taking one class & the shit is crazy. I have 3 reports due: a management report, company report & a book report. On top of these reports, I have to read a book on management for my book report & the required Chapter reading for class. One chapter is anywhere from 36-50 pages long. So much information to learn & remember, the good thing is that the authors of the book have a website with tons of information from the book, especially the powerpoint presentations :-). the slides are the best for me & help with class & makes the reading more understandable as to what I really need to focus on for my midterm & class discussions.

Managing My Time

I am back but just don't know for how long. Things have been pretty crazy with so much going on...So in a HUGE nutshell here we go, mommy is finally better & her thearpy has ended, she almost as good as new it's just takes time, Lala turned 9 on the 21st & we have yet to celebrate due to her being on punishment & the crazy school schedule she has. This is the 2nd year that she will be performing for the school's end of the year Talent Show, swimming class, projects for club {creating their own magazine}, I got accepted to NYU & have classes once a week {Business Organization & Management} from 6:20-9:30pm, Vincent picks up Lala from school & tends to her every needs {Mr. Mom}, as well as keeping her busy while I do homework & study for 2-3 hours, work is good & things are slowing down in the office so that allows me time to read my chapters for class & work on my management report as well as my book report {Winning-Jack Welsh}, planning Lala's belated birthday party, she got accepted to a summer program & this weekend is her Assessment Exam--oh yeah, mommy & Lala will be here for the summer. Once summer school is over, she will then go to Florida w/mommy & then on to Worcester till Labor Day.

I am so tired that it's starting to show, haven't been sleeping much after the sudden death of my cousin & the unexpected death of my grandmother. Also having to deal with issues from all angles of friends & family. I am to the point where I am going to have the I don't care attitude cause all the BS is really bothersome. They want advice & when you give, they don't like the honesty or do the opposite & then get mad because you didn't stop them or change their minds

Working on 10 hrs. of sleep & it's only Thursday

Up early monday morning thinking about my cousin's sudden death. That had me tossing & turning all throughout the night & well into the wee morning. Was officially up @ 4:45 so that I can be ready by 6 (Becker is on) & then wake up Lala @ 6:30. Went to work, had an ok day; my co-worker & I aren't speaking. She's worst then people Lala's age (8). And I am simply returning the favor by ignoring her ass.

Afterwork, picked up Lala then to mommy's house for a quick bite & then off to the wake. So many people there, family, friends, his co-workers from the Stataion Police Dept. & his motorcycle buddies. His dad gave such a heartwarming speech that almost everyone shed a tear-even the men.Tuesday, had to wake up early cause mommy had to go back to pre-surgical testing & we didn't leave there til about 2. Once we got home, we had a late lunch then had to run some errands w/her. Vincent picked up Lala so all I had to was straighten up, cook, get everything together for tomorrow, help Lala w/ her homework & try to relax.

Sleeping was a problem because I kept thinking about the funeral that we missed that morning & just remembering the smile that Dave always had. Wondering how life goes on even when there is one less in the family, about how his parents are handling it, about what if I lost my parents/vice versa. Basically, just making myself crazy w/thoughts. Tried watching tv but I didn't focus, went to bed around 3 & had to be up by 5.Wednesday, usual morning routine.

Afterwork, pick up Lala & off to mommy's because tomorrow is the day of surgery. Didn't much sleep either due to dumbass neighbors screaming & yelling @ 2 in the fucking morning. At first, I thought it was a fight but when I didn't see anyone/thing, figurered it had to be neighbors.

That went on for about an hour & so minutes.Got to the hospital by 6:50 & she had to be there by 7:30. They did whatever they needed to do w/her before surgery. Finally @ about 10 something the Doctor came in & got here. Reminded him that he better take good care of my mommy & he reminded me that he did the last time. That lefted me a little @ ease. Got to work by noon, left @ 5, picked up Lala & went straight to mommy, who was still in recovery. She finally got a room about 8, Lala & I stood w/her for a little while longer @ least until her phone & tv were on.

{A post for Thursday, but as you can tell I've been to been to remember to post}

An Unexpected Death

This afternoon, while @ work my cousin called to talk to me about our cousin's death. I on the other hand was confused because he passed away last night & no one called me to tell me. so you can imagine, when my cousin called me looking for answers.

"What happended? I can't believe Dave died"
"What? What are you talking about? Stop playing. Who told you that?"
"Your brother called me last night, didn't you speak to your brother?"
"Yea, and he didn't mention that".
"What time did you speak to him?"
"Around 9 something, what time did he call you".
"He called late, around 11".
"No one called me, I can't believe no one called me. That can't be right. I have to call Mommy & see what's going on. She didn't even call & tell me".
"Call me back"

I called mommy & asked for my brother, mommy said that he went to work. She couldn't believe that he went to work because he didn't take the news well @ all. My aunt called mommy to tell him the news, but mommy said that she would break the news to him. Mommy said that he went off, cursing to high hell, slammed the door to his room & just stayed there for awhile. After a few minutes, he got on the phone & called my 2 of cousins. He was so stressed after the call that he just didn't want to talk about it. That is why he didn't call me.

My brother & Dave & Gee {cousin that called me} are very close. If you know my brother, you'll know that he is very anti-social. I haven't seen my brother this sad since our favorite uncle died years ago {I'm talking mid 80's}. Seeing my brother hanging out with them was like watching kids in a playground, just having a good time & not a care in the world. Not having Dave around & the reason for his sudden death is really taking a toll on him.

On Sunday Rodney & Gee went to went to the hospital to see Dave. Mommy said that when he came back home, he didn't look well. Didn't even eat & my brother loves to eat {especially mommy's cooking} instead he went to the room & just stayed there. When he finally came out of the room, mommy asked him how Davie was doing & he just said not good @ all. The nurse said that he can hear people talking & that they should speak to him & try to lift his spirits. I called later that night but he didn't want to talk, told him that I was stopping by on Monday & he said fine. On Monday, he was going into details about Dave & his condition & he said that he didn't look well & that this Sunday Dave would have been in the hospital for a month.

Monday is the wake & Tuesday is the funeral.

R.I.P Dave & remember that you will be missed by family & friends.
Things will not be the same for Rodney & Gee. Be their Guardian Angel & I thank God for the time that we had together.

Pre-Surgical Testing

today was the day for mommy to get a physical & see if she would get clearance on getting her knee replacement done. of course that didn't happen.
her appointment was @ 8:00 this morning, had to have my brother take Lala to school because Vincent is working the graveyard shift @ UPS and wouldn't get home till 8/9 in the morning.

so anyway, we {mommy & I} left early this morning & got to the hospital @ 7:35 am, about 8:15 2 people were called in before mommy. i was pissed & wanted an explantion about why 2 people went ahead of my mother. so i get up & ask the chick @ the front desk, she said that mommy doesn't have a chart & they needed to clear everything with the insurance first. i told her that my mother should have a chart because she had her 1st knee replacement here & that they had a week to get all the information they needed before we came in for an appointment. after the damn heffa makes a couple of calls & faxes mommy's insurance card info. to God only knows who, she calls me to inform me that the hospital no longer takes mommy's insurance. Lord only knows why she told me that, cuz i blew a lid. told her that they had mommy's information for about a week & sat on the information & never checked her file that her doctor sent them. she said the only thing we can do is call the doctor & inform him because he might not about the recent changes that have been made & that hopefully he can get a clearance /authorization from someone in the hospital.

we left the hospital & i felt so bad for mommy cause her knee is really starting to be bothersome. she was so looking forward to the surgery & now she was faced with not getting it down & if she can, she wouldn't want another doctor. i told her not to worry until i spoke with the doctor & hopefully their was something that can be done. i went to work & she went home, called the doctor & was told that he wouldn't be in till 3pm. waited till 3:15, called the office & informed him about what happened this morning @ the hospital. poor guy was in shock & said that he was not aware & that he would personally find out what was going on. he said to call him back on Friday, so i called mommy & told her what he said, little did that do for her hopes.

at about 5:00 pm, mommy calls me @ work & tells me that someone from the doctor's office called & she really couldn't understand what they were trying to explain to her, so she told them that I would call them in 5 minutes. i called the doctor's office & sure enough things were look positive...the doctor has a certain clearance/authorization that allows his patients with that insurance to have their operation done. he said that they should have had a copy of his clearance papers & that he was going to personally take the papers to them in the morning before he started his rounds. his nurse said that after they receive the papers from him, mommy should be getting a phone call from them with an appointment to come back again for a physical.

keeping my fingers crossed until she gets her appointment & her clearance from them.

Another Knee Replacement

went to the doctor's with mommy & she has get her left knee replaced next month. They took x-rays & it's just getting worst as time goes by & her left knee is leaning towards the side. I joke with her & tell her that she looks like she got off a horse, cause it looks funny. She laughs but I know that she is bummed about the way it looks & the way her knee bothers her. at times, walking a farther distance & going up a few flights of stairs are the most painful things for her. sometimes she just needs to stay in bed & rest a little longer due to the pain.

so next month on the 10th, she will her 2nd knee replacement & hopefully things will turn out good for her. she will be able to get around easily without having to deal with the pain. i am nervous because when she had her right knee replaced, therapy was a bitch. can you imagine having to bend your knee while you have staples going down the middle. and the sight of it is not pretty, mommy had to cover her knee when I walked in because it just made me cry. she will be in the hospital for about 20 days, then she will be home. Lala, myself & Rodney will tend to her while she recovers.

Happy Easter!!!

This was a great weekend & I haven't had such a good time in a long while. My Goddaughter & her sister spent Friday & Saturday @ my house. Lala especially had tons of fun with them here because she was finally not alone & had someone to hangout with. I wake up Saturday morning to find them in sleeping in the living on the sofas. They had a little slumber party & of course with all the chatting @ night, woke up mid-morning. I spent the morning making breakfast & working on 3 iPods. Never again will I work on that many in one day. By the afternoon, I hated iPods & computers.
In the evening, I took the girls to their Grandmother's house while Lala went with Vincent to her cousin's birthday party. Lala had fun playing with her cousins & hanging out with her uncles & aunts. She especially loved the cake. I'm glad she had fun.

Today was a great day, the morning was spent with Lala & Vincent watching Shooter {good movie}. Lala & I spent the first half of the afternoon @ mommy's until my Godddaughter & cousins came over. Lala & I headed out the door with the kids & went over to my Godmother's house where we spent the rest of the afternoon & well into the night.
Love spending time with my Godsister because we catch up on some many things & the company is always hilarious. The kids were in the hallway hanging out with some friends, then they went to the park for awhile & then back again to the hallway. Us ladies {godmother, godsister & myself} chilled in the kitchen eating, drinking, talking & laughing.

Hope everyone enjoyed their Easter Sunday.

Movie Night @ Lala's School

Have I mentioned how much I love Lala's school. It seems like every time I turn around something new is always starting up & I fall in love with the idea & the school more & more. With all the new ideas that everyone is bringing to better the school it's becoming a wonderful community/family.

Tonight her school hosted it's first family movie night, this will now be a monthly event due to this evening's turnout. We saw The Bee Movie, it about recent college grad Barry B. Benson, a worker bee stuck in a dead-end job making honey who files a lawsuit against humans when he learns they've been stealing the bees' nectar for centuries. Tickets were only $1.00 & Lala was kind enough to pay for our tickets with her weekly allowance & give a donation for her dinner.
Everything was so organized, from the coordination, food preparation, movie set-up & starting on time. Their was a spread of food-spanish rice, baked chicken, & salad {all that was asked was a donation} while the chips, popcorn, cookies, juice {no sugar added kind}, & water were for sale. They made sure that all the kids & parents had time to enjoy their dinner, go to the restroom & buy some snacks before the movie started @ 5:30 pm.

Once the movie ended, the principal came out & thanked everyone for coming as well as making a few announcements to the parents & students. She also reminded parents to lookout for the monthly newsletter that the kids will be taking home soon. And that movie night will be a monthly thing @ the school. Also, teachers & PTA members were taking pictures of everyone that attended Movie Night so that they can post up around the building for everyone to see.

FYI: I sat by myself because Lala wanted to sit with her friends & of course I didn't want to cramp her style. I'm fine with it because I know @ her age, I wouldn't want my mother sitting with me & friends especially since their parents weren't sitting with them. Besides, one of her TA's was sitting behind them.
___________________________________________________________________

This week was report cards & Parent Teacher Conference, Lala was not trying to have me talk to her teachers. She was so scared because she said that she had failed her math tests & knows that she didn't do well on her report card. All that nervouses was for nothing because she ended up getting good grades & her reading level is increasing. The only problem is the math & I can understand that she's not getting. Lord knows math is not my specialty so I am not going to punish her if I know that she is @ least trying. Her teachers & I have spoke about this & they giving her more tutoring in math. Also I have contact Sylvan Learning Center to schedule an assessment test for her so that she can get all the help she needs in math. Rather do it now because she will need all the help in math due to the exam they give 3rd graders. If she doesn't pass that test, she will have to repeat the 3rd grade. Can't have that happen now can I..

Wrap Up Since The Last Time

as you may know by now, mommy is in town. the wknd she came, i took her food shopping so she didn't have to worry about groceries/money. lala was off that week from school due to mid-winter recess, so my child was happy to stay w/mommy & have her all to herself. the only bad thing was that my pooka was sick w/a fever, cough & stuffy nose {she is doing much better now}.
lala spent president's day @ her godfather's house, he took her & his kids to the movies then bought her a yankees baseball cap which she has been wanting for quite sometime.

i am finally getting back on track w/my apartment. i believe i have been there for about 6 yrs & it sure doesn't feel like it. i would like to finish buying & fixing it up, though i am looking to move but i don't care. just need a few more things, a paint job & then i'll be happy.
work is slowing down a little bit since we are done w/the international pool. the next deadline is coming up & that's for the domestic applicants. so besides running letters, processing non-refundable deposits, i am watching netflix movies.

looking into summer day camp because it looks like mommy might be here for sometime. she needs to get her other knee operated so that means that she's out of commission for a few months. lord, you know i can't stand to see my momma in pain & the first time was horrible now we have to go through it again. you trying bending you knee after it has been cut open in the middle & then stapled shut. all i could do was cry & till this day the scar bothers me so i always cover it or just look away.
mommy mentioned she wanted all of us to go to DR in december. i was already planning on going but i also planned on enjoying my summer. it's going to be real different w/lala & mommy here in the summer. have to plan a little vacation away from them this summer, was thinking about going to DR for 2 wks w/out them. might even talk my godsister into going w/me since her kids will probably be in PR or FL. i'll just have to wait & see.

MTA SUCKS

instead of paying $76.00 a month for a metrocard i will now be paying $81.00.
bastards must think people have a damn money tree/plant in their house.
the bad thing about this situation is that everyone will still have to pay whatever they charge because we all have to get somewhere in this ugly funky-ass city that never sleeps.

Mommy's Coming Tomorrow, Mommy's Coming Tomorrow!!

Everyone is excited that mommy is coming tomorrow. Just spoke to her & of course her house sounds like a party is taking place. All day family & friends have been on & out of her house, too bad half of them don't do that for me. She will be missed by all of her peoples but I need my mama darnit. Haven't seen the lady since September & they need to share her, besides she's mine. I too need her around, things are not the same when the ol' lady's gone. I believe that no one misses my mother more then Lala. This child has days where she starts crying out of the blue, calling her name "Abuelita, Abuelita, I miss her so much. When is she coming home already, call her & tell her to come now". Or when she starts walking around with a picture of the two of them together. Those happen to be the worst days for me because you can clearly see the pain in the child's eyes. Trying to ease the pain is hard, I even let Lala call mommy direct on my cell phone if I don't have a calling card. And child, Vincent turns shakes his head when he sees the bill.

So tonight, we are packing up our clothes & tomorrow we will be picking mommy up from the airport & staying @ mommy's for about 2 weeks. Once mommy is here, my house means nothing to Lala, if I tell the child that we are spending the night over there, the tears & attitude pop up. "I don't like your house, I want to stay with momma, you go home & pick me up in the morning for school, I don't know why you don't leave clothes here for us to stay, I'ma wear the same thing tomorrow cause it's clean & I want to stay with momma & Uncle". I tell you this girl wears you out half the time.

Weekend with my Brother & Father

@ work but I rather be @ home under the covers, looking through my photo albums. but that will only make me cry & I can't spend a day crying when I know that my Abuela wouldn't want that.

My brother came home for the weekend & it was good to see him. Lala was excited to see him when he picked her up from school. My dad came back from DR on Sat. so that was a happy moment for him. Having his 3 kids together & getting alone like we used to; having Lala around was a bonus. My dad spent all Saturday cooking everyone's favorite food & making enough to last about 3 days to a week. Then I called my mother & she was happy that we were spending time with each other & keeping me busying so that I wouldn't be alone & cry.

Sunday my brother flew back to Florida & my dad went back to Mass. Lala was sad that they both left & can't wait to go to Florida in April to see her uncle & cousin. I have to start looking for tickets now & see what I can find. I'm thinking of going also but only for a long weekend & mommy & Lala will be out there for a week.

My Grandmother's Funeral

today Lala, Vincent & myself went to the funeral home for the wake of my Abuela. All last night I debated on going, even called Mommy in DR & told her that I wasn't going. She told me that the decision was mines & that she would understand. You see, this would be the first time I would be attending a funeral service without either of my parents. And to top it off, I NEVER go near the casket, always stay in the back of the room. My mother is to blame, as a child my favorite uncle passed away & she made me give him a kiss, touch his hand {which by the way were cold} & give him the bendicion {spanish blessing}. That incident really freaked me out & ever since then, I made it aware to family to leave me alone when we are @ these types of functions.

Lots of family & friends were there, you what I like about family gatherings {good/bad} are the people who remember you when you were young, yet you have no idea who they are. The expression on their face is priceless when you tell them that you have no idea who they are, yet you smile @ them & listen to all the stories they remember about you hoping that one of these stories will remind you of them. 9 out of 10 times, you don't.

Her nephew preached from the bible, people sang & some did the Rosary. It felt strange that she wasn't the one preaching & praying the Rosary. She's the one that everyone asked to lead in pray@ these types of functions. I wish she were here because I miss her so much already. I had this thing that I had to call her @ least once a week to see how she's doing. Then she would talk to Lala & preach a little to both of us. Not hearing her voice, seeing her smile, tell me my childhood stories, watch Lala grow & compare both of us & the most important thing to her--Lala's communion. She's a devoted Catholic, never missed a mass, always with her church group & going on their trips & ALWAYS with a Rosary in her pocket. God Bless Her.

Lala was so sad & all she kept saying was "I love her & miss her mommy". All I could manage was "i know baby". Told Lala not to worry because she was her guardian angel & she can talk to her whenever she wants in pray.

Teresa, thank you for giving me the strength to approach you tonight & not be scared. I will miss EVERYTHING about you; always loving, caring & accepting. You are my favorite person & always made that known to others. I thank God that Lala got the chance to know you & realize how beautiful & special you are. I know that you are safe and without a shadow of doubt are seated next to the Heavenly Father. I know you are happy & knowing that is what helps me get through all this. Love you forever & till we see each other again {no time soon though :-) } Bendicion Abuela.

Sadness: My Grandmother Passed Away

I'm mad, pissed, sad, angry, depressed, & every now & then happy. Only happy with a smile when I remember all the times I spent with my Abuela. The stories she always tells family & friends of me as a child. She's the one person who knew me, understood me & just let me be.

You had to meet her & right then & there you fall in love with her. Her hair is white like snow, skin so as a baby, very religious, a really good sense of humor, full of life, available when needed, & always with a smile on her face.

Things I cherish about her:
She always wore a hat & whenever she came over to visit I always ran to her with open arms & all, then take her hat & model it for her & whoever's around. She could rock any style hat & I admired her for her selection.

There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't remind me & everyone about what a cry-baby I was. Waking people up @ the airport, not letting my father sleep through the night, driving my mother up the wall with the crying. I could have been changed, fed, burped & bathe, still I chose to cry {as she puts it}. She's the one who had the most patience with me, no matter what, she was always there.

She's amazing with her kids, Lala loves her to death. Last week, when I went to see her Lala called my cell & wanted to know how her great-grandmother's doing. I told her that she's doing fine but she asked for her Abuela. They spoke on the phone for awhile & Lala told her that she loves her & was going to see her as soon as she was home because I promised.

Last year, my niece came up for a visit & my grandmother's birthday had just passed. I went & bought a cake for both of them. You had to see the look on her face when I told her to look @ the cake. She couldn't believe that I remembered her birthday. That was a beautiful day.

When I was down & out because I was having the worst time getting an interview or any temp work, I called her. We were on the phone for about an hour & we prayed together & she preached to me. BTW, their are only two people that I allow to preach to me. By the end of the conversation, she said she was going to pray a little more & but in a request with the Lord; then tomorrow she would say another pray @ church & light a candle for me. Whatever she said to the Lord, it worked because I got the job @ NYU. Muchas gracias Abuela.. Todo lo que you hago vas a se por ti, hoy y siempre.

This sucks-tomorrow is the funeral & on Thursday my Uncle will be taking her to DR for another funeral & her burial. My parents are already in DR, so they will be around for that one. I on the other hand am alone & don't know what to do. I called Mommy & told her that I didn't want to go tomorrow & she said that whatever I decided will be fine with her. I have never been to a wake without my parents & everyone knows that I don't go near the casket. My mother traumitzed me but that's another story. I know that I will hate myself later if I don't go but I don't know. I'll figure it out tomorrow but I think I'll go because I know I have to go.

The only question I have now is who's going to tell me my childhood stories with such joy?

Yipeee!! My Parents Are Coming Back

last night I purchased my Dad's ticket back to the states. We are excited about his return & can't wait to see him. I miss my Papa a lot especially since he has been gone since November. With him being here in the states, I am a little more @ ease when it comes to medical condition. You see, he had a kidney transplant some time ago & he has diabetes {found that out the hardway when I had to rush him to the hospital}. Lala called my Dad today to tell him that she has a credit card & that she paid for his ticket back to NY. She also reminded him that she was rich because he told her that she doesn't have a credit card or money.

My father is not expecting anyone to show up @ the airport because Lala has Communion class & Rodney works. Little does he know that Lala will not be @ Communion class because we are going to surprise him @ the airport.

My mother is coming back on the 16th, & of course we are all excited about her return. Especially Lala, who decided to call my mother on the 1st of the month; to remind her that it's February 1st & that she has started a countdown till she sees her @ the airport. Both of them are so excited to see each other & even better--Lala has Mid-Winter Recess. No School for a whole week, so that's 7 whole days to have my mother all to herself. Ms. Lala doesn't like it when Mommy's attention & love are on someone else. To tease her, I hug & kiss Mommy & tell her to tell me that she loves me a lot & make her squeeze me tight. It's funny cause Lala gets mad & starts to push me away from mommy & if I don't breakaway--hell breaks loose. The poor child starts to cry & walks away, Mommy of course calls her & tells her a bunch of crap {sweetness as she calls it} so she stops crying.

Good times, good memories...can't wait to relive them again.

Perfect Attendance

Wednesday night Lala gave us a flyer informing parents that on Friday their will be a ceremony for students who had perfect attendance for the month of December & January & Student of the Month. Instead of telling those students that they will be getting an award, they made the parents go check a list that was posted on a wall next to the Main Office. So Thursday morning, Lala & I went to check the wall & Lord & behold, my Pooka's name was on the list for Perfect Attendance.

{our conversation}



M: your name is on the list, congrats. {hug & kiss}

L: are you & Daddy coming to see me?

M: you know that I'll be there, you have to ask Daddy later

L: i want mcdonald's tomorrow cause i went to school everyday

M: you got money?

L: no, but it's Friday & you get paid

M: who told you that?

L: you, you said you get paid on Fridays & tomorrow is Friday

M: i don't get paid every Fridays, go downstairs & be with your friends

{once we get to the first floor, my daughter just starts walking towards her friends}

Friday morning we did the breakfast thing & then headed school. Once downstairs in the Auditorum, Lala sat with her class & I took my seat waiting to see if Vincent was going to show up. Sure enough he made it & just in time, he went over to Lala & took pictures of her & friends as well as with her teacher. After awhile the ceremony was underway, all students who name was called had to stay standing until they finish calling all names, so that everyone can give them a round of applause. It was funny because the kids in their class was shouting out their friends that recieved a certificate. Vincent kept saying "so he/she is the popular one", funny because when Lala's name was called sure enough plenty of "yeah, you go Nasifa" was being shouted. I turned to Vincent & said "guess your daughter's popluar as well" & of course he took credit for that. After they were done with Perfect Attendance, they moved on to Student of the Month.
These are students that the teacher has noticed that they have been advancing in class. After that they were a couple of performances but I only saw two because I do have to go to work.

Vincent had a little chat with Lala @ home, explaining to her that he would like to see her receive an award for Student of the Month. She said that she wanted one too & that she will be more focused on school & try not to have an attitude about schoolwork or towards friends.
We are keeping our fingers crossed & praying that she get's one before the end of the school year.

Good Luck Nasifa..

My Abuela

Friday night I found by my step-mother that my Grandmother was in the hospital due to a stroke. what pissed me off about the whole situation is that my Uncle didn't call me to tell me & the worst part of it all, she was admitted 3 days ago.

i was livid so you know that i had to see her on sat. as soon as possible. the only problem about that was that my Robert was coming over to install some programs onto the computer, the cable company time was 2-4, and Vincent was coming over to rearrange the bedrooms. i called my uncle to find out about my Grandmother & he told me that he didn't call anyone to tell them that she was in the hospital. he told me what hospital & the time for visiting. told Vincent about the situation & he told me not to worry that he would watch Lala while I went to the hospital. once the Robert was done, we walked to the train & i went to see my Abuela.

once in the hosptial it was comedy, i told my Uncle that i was not just anyone & told my Grandmother what he did. i told her to beat him with my belt & she said that she would ass soon as she was able to. my Uncle said to just give him a tongue lashing & that would be fine. but he is a comedian, so everything out of my mouth ended up with him cracking jokes.

it was a good seeing my Abeula but it would have been better had it been @ her house. the good thing is that she is being well-taken cared of. their is another lady in the room & she just happens to be Dominican. I am glad that someone like her in the room with my Abuela keeping her entertained with conversations & watching over her when the nurses come by. i call her my "Abuela's Guardian Angel". She is a nice person & i hope that she gets well & will be able to join her family back @ home soon.

Heath Ledger Died @ 28

he was so young & talented; so sad about his untimely death. last night i couldn't sleep thinking about him & his daughter. his daughter is only 2 yrs. old & will never really get to know her father.

made me think about Lala, what if something happended to me. would she remember me, all the good & bad times we shared, would she think i was a good mom to her, would she hate/blame me for leaving her @ an early age. after a bit of tossing & turning, i got out of bed & went to her room. just stood by the door looking @ her & how peaceful she looks sleeping, even though she was@ the edge of the bed & about to meet the floor for-the-who-knows-how-many-times {had to stop counting cause she was getting mad}. i went over to her & stroked her hair then picked her up & took her to bed with me. I just wanted to hold her & have her next me, you know to cherish every moment. she eventually woke up & was mad, "i'm sleepy" is all she could tell me. i told her to hug me cause i needed a hug, she did for a minute then pulled away from me & gave me Sydney {her koala bear}. "here mommy, i'm sleepy". had to smile @ her bad ass & told her "i love you".

i always remind her that she is for sale but we all know that their is no price for my lil diva. she might be a pain @ times but she is also the most loving person you'll come across. can't imagine my life without her & i am sure that she she thinks the same.

Feel Like It Going To Be A Good Day

This morning was a good one, didn't have to go through hell & back for Lala to take a bath & get ready for school. The deal was that if she didn't take long in the morning & we left the house early then I would take her to McD's for breakfast. She has been asking to go but she doesn't move her ass quick enough in the morning. We left early, had no problems on the L or F train & had plenty of time to order breakfast, eat & enjoy. After that, I walked her to the corner of the school & watched her walk down the block with some of her friends that were yelling her name from across the street. I love her friends, everytime they see me they always say "Hi Nasifa's mom", too cute.

As I walked from Lala's school to work {15 minutes everyday} I got a nice vibe like today is going to be a good day, especially since we leave work @ 4 pm due to Monday being a holiday, it's going to be a nice long weekend & can't forget that the game is on Sunday. Go PACKERS!!!
So far my day has been a good one, not many phone calls from students & my work load is really light due to all the over time last month & earlier this month. Now, let's PRAY that Lala will not piss me off with her wild side.

Another thing that makes this day great, I just bought mommy her plane ticket back to the states. It is confirmed that she will be back on the 16th of February. Next month, I will be buying my dad his ticket back to the states as well. Haven't been in MA in awhile & I can't lie, I kinda of miss it over there. Lala wants to go because she likes hanging out @ my step-sister's house with her kids. I just want my parents back in the states, even if it's only for a little while.

Hope everyone has a great long weekend & educate your kids on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Lala has been learning about him all this week & I ask her questions about what she has learned. She is also asking questions about Indians. First things first, they are called Native Americans..that's what I told her. So we will be making another trip to Barnes & Noble {her favorite place} & getting books on Native Americans.

My Computer

for christmas, i bought myself a computer from DELL & it has been sitting @ my mother's house since the 27th of December. Rodney {older brother} has been reminding me & thanking him about the computer. he has been calling me a show-off, even though i was not showing it off because it was in a corner in my mother's room. when i told him about my 19 inch flat panel, that was the icing on the cake. he told me that he was going to beat me & Vincent up if we tried to take "his" computer out of the house & that if Lala tried to jump in then she wouldn't get anymore presents from uncle. all of this was in good humor, on Saturday Vincent came over to pick up the computer & bring it to my house. he was wondering when i was going to take the computer home. i told him & Rodney that i was not in any rush to take it home because i don't have a computer desk & i have to call Cablevision so that they can come & install the modem.

last night, Vincent came over & decided to take the computer out of the box & start putting it together. he set it up on Lala's Winnie the Pooh table for now. they were so excited about the system & i can't deny that i am loving it as well. it is so pretty, he connected the printer {brought it last year}, installed the camera disk and set-up the accounts for everyone. now they are just waiting for the cable company so that they can get on the internet.

next is my pink laptop from DELL, that should be coming sometime this Spring..

A Beautiful Gift, From A Special Person

a beautiful friend of mines sent Lala this gift in the mail. as you can see she is shocked that she got a gift in the mail & amazed that other then my father we know someone in MA.

she loves the gifts, went straight to her room & took out her coloring books. she asked me if my friend made it herself & i told her i wouldn't be surprised if she did. while she colored i told her stories of ms. missy mey {an old co-worker but really good friend} & about all the beautiful things that she makes & baked for the SEO office while she was taking a pasty class in the City. got a little choked up for a second because i do miss some of my friends {they will always be more then just co-workers}.

the next time i am in MA, i will need to try & swing by & visit the family.

Thank you Garcia family for this beautiful gift, wishing you all the very best New Year. the holiday card might have been late but the thought is priceless & the picture is as lovely as the family.

Mami's Coming Home

My mommy is finally come back home to her kids & granddaughters, if only for a few months.

Lala has been on the phone with Mommy for the past couple of days trying to get Mommy to say when she's coming back to NY. My mother refuses to give me a date but she can't refuse her 8 yr. granddaughter. Lala has been telling mommy that she has to be in NY by the 1st of February & doesn't want to hear different. Mommy finally told Lala to tell me to pick a date, possibly the weekend before Lala's Mid-Winter recess from school.

I have started looking for flights & prices & am proud to say that I have picked a couple of dates & the prices are excellent; especially since it's a one way.

A Prevert On The Train

every morning i have to jump on the L train to take Lala to school then i walk to work {only 15 mins}. the train came & almost all the seats were taken up, normally if there are not anything available for us to sit together i wait for the next one. this morning was really cold {20 ' degrees}, that is why i didn't wait for the next one.
everything is good till we get to Lorimer Street, this idiot rasta guy decided that he wants to stand behind me {literally behind me} instead of standing next to me to hold on. i gave him a look like "move", of course he's just looking @ me, then i say "excuse you" & nothing because he has his headsets on & the music is loud. so i pushed him out of the way & said move again because he is not my man to be standing behind me. people that was around us was looking @ him like he's crazy then he says "girl, look good" & i tell him "don't care if girl looks good you need to move". he just turns up his music. then i looked @ Lala because i knew that she was nervous & so i had to tell her that everything was fine & not to worry. the good thing about my train ride was that it went express to 14th Street-Union Square {skipping 3 stops}. being that he had his headsets on & the music was loud he didn't hear the annoucement. so i am holding onto the pole & he turns my way & is checking me out, so i looked @ him like he was crazy. he had the nerve to wink @ me, so i gave him a nasty ass look then he gets mad because the train didn't stop @ 1st Avenue. he was pissed when he got to Union Square & had to take the train back the other way. Jackass.