Sadness: My Grandmother Passed Away

I'm mad, pissed, sad, angry, depressed, & every now & then happy. Only happy with a smile when I remember all the times I spent with my Abuela. The stories she always tells family & friends of me as a child. She's the one person who knew me, understood me & just let me be.

You had to meet her & right then & there you fall in love with her. Her hair is white like snow, skin so as a baby, very religious, a really good sense of humor, full of life, available when needed, & always with a smile on her face.

Things I cherish about her:
She always wore a hat & whenever she came over to visit I always ran to her with open arms & all, then take her hat & model it for her & whoever's around. She could rock any style hat & I admired her for her selection.

There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't remind me & everyone about what a cry-baby I was. Waking people up @ the airport, not letting my father sleep through the night, driving my mother up the wall with the crying. I could have been changed, fed, burped & bathe, still I chose to cry {as she puts it}. She's the one who had the most patience with me, no matter what, she was always there.

She's amazing with her kids, Lala loves her to death. Last week, when I went to see her Lala called my cell & wanted to know how her great-grandmother's doing. I told her that she's doing fine but she asked for her Abuela. They spoke on the phone for awhile & Lala told her that she loves her & was going to see her as soon as she was home because I promised.

Last year, my niece came up for a visit & my grandmother's birthday had just passed. I went & bought a cake for both of them. You had to see the look on her face when I told her to look @ the cake. She couldn't believe that I remembered her birthday. That was a beautiful day.

When I was down & out because I was having the worst time getting an interview or any temp work, I called her. We were on the phone for about an hour & we prayed together & she preached to me. BTW, their are only two people that I allow to preach to me. By the end of the conversation, she said she was going to pray a little more & but in a request with the Lord; then tomorrow she would say another pray @ church & light a candle for me. Whatever she said to the Lord, it worked because I got the job @ NYU. Muchas gracias Abuela.. Todo lo que you hago vas a se por ti, hoy y siempre.

This sucks-tomorrow is the funeral & on Thursday my Uncle will be taking her to DR for another funeral & her burial. My parents are already in DR, so they will be around for that one. I on the other hand am alone & don't know what to do. I called Mommy & told her that I didn't want to go tomorrow & she said that whatever I decided will be fine with her. I have never been to a wake without my parents & everyone knows that I don't go near the casket. My mother traumitzed me but that's another story. I know that I will hate myself later if I don't go but I don't know. I'll figure it out tomorrow but I think I'll go because I know I have to go.

The only question I have now is who's going to tell me my childhood stories with such joy?