he was so young & talented; so sad about his untimely death. last night i couldn't sleep thinking about him & his daughter. his daughter is only 2 yrs. old & will never really get to know her father.
made me think about Lala, what if something happended to me. would she remember me, all the good & bad times we shared, would she think i was a good mom to her, would she hate/blame me for leaving her @ an early age. after a bit of tossing & turning, i got out of bed & went to her room. just stood by the door looking @ her & how peaceful she looks sleeping, even though she was@ the edge of the bed & about to meet the floor for-the-who-knows-how-many-times {had to stop counting cause she was getting mad}. i went over to her & stroked her hair then picked her up & took her to bed with me. I just wanted to hold her & have her next me, you know to cherish every moment. she eventually woke up & was mad, "i'm sleepy" is all she could tell me. i told her to hug me cause i needed a hug, she did for a minute then pulled away from me & gave me Sydney {her koala bear}. "here mommy, i'm sleepy". had to smile @ her bad ass & told her "i love you".
i always remind her that she is for sale but we all know that their is no price for my lil diva. she might be a pain @ times but she is also the most loving person you'll come across. can't imagine my life without her & i am sure that she she thinks the same.
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being a mama is tough. all we do is worry about something happening to our little ones or something happening to us. the what ifs keep us up at night but the here and now make our days brighter.
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