My Grandmother's Funeral

today Lala, Vincent & myself went to the funeral home for the wake of my Abuela. All last night I debated on going, even called Mommy in DR & told her that I wasn't going. She told me that the decision was mines & that she would understand. You see, this would be the first time I would be attending a funeral service without either of my parents. And to top it off, I NEVER go near the casket, always stay in the back of the room. My mother is to blame, as a child my favorite uncle passed away & she made me give him a kiss, touch his hand {which by the way were cold} & give him the bendicion {spanish blessing}. That incident really freaked me out & ever since then, I made it aware to family to leave me alone when we are @ these types of functions.

Lots of family & friends were there, you what I like about family gatherings {good/bad} are the people who remember you when you were young, yet you have no idea who they are. The expression on their face is priceless when you tell them that you have no idea who they are, yet you smile @ them & listen to all the stories they remember about you hoping that one of these stories will remind you of them. 9 out of 10 times, you don't.

Her nephew preached from the bible, people sang & some did the Rosary. It felt strange that she wasn't the one preaching & praying the Rosary. She's the one that everyone asked to lead in pray@ these types of functions. I wish she were here because I miss her so much already. I had this thing that I had to call her @ least once a week to see how she's doing. Then she would talk to Lala & preach a little to both of us. Not hearing her voice, seeing her smile, tell me my childhood stories, watch Lala grow & compare both of us & the most important thing to her--Lala's communion. She's a devoted Catholic, never missed a mass, always with her church group & going on their trips & ALWAYS with a Rosary in her pocket. God Bless Her.

Lala was so sad & all she kept saying was "I love her & miss her mommy". All I could manage was "i know baby". Told Lala not to worry because she was her guardian angel & she can talk to her whenever she wants in pray.

Teresa, thank you for giving me the strength to approach you tonight & not be scared. I will miss EVERYTHING about you; always loving, caring & accepting. You are my favorite person & always made that known to others. I thank God that Lala got the chance to know you & realize how beautiful & special you are. I know that you are safe and without a shadow of doubt are seated next to the Heavenly Father. I know you are happy & knowing that is what helps me get through all this. Love you forever & till we see each other again {no time soon though :-) } Bendicion Abuela.

Sadness: My Grandmother Passed Away

I'm mad, pissed, sad, angry, depressed, & every now & then happy. Only happy with a smile when I remember all the times I spent with my Abuela. The stories she always tells family & friends of me as a child. She's the one person who knew me, understood me & just let me be.

You had to meet her & right then & there you fall in love with her. Her hair is white like snow, skin so as a baby, very religious, a really good sense of humor, full of life, available when needed, & always with a smile on her face.

Things I cherish about her:
She always wore a hat & whenever she came over to visit I always ran to her with open arms & all, then take her hat & model it for her & whoever's around. She could rock any style hat & I admired her for her selection.

There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't remind me & everyone about what a cry-baby I was. Waking people up @ the airport, not letting my father sleep through the night, driving my mother up the wall with the crying. I could have been changed, fed, burped & bathe, still I chose to cry {as she puts it}. She's the one who had the most patience with me, no matter what, she was always there.

She's amazing with her kids, Lala loves her to death. Last week, when I went to see her Lala called my cell & wanted to know how her great-grandmother's doing. I told her that she's doing fine but she asked for her Abuela. They spoke on the phone for awhile & Lala told her that she loves her & was going to see her as soon as she was home because I promised.

Last year, my niece came up for a visit & my grandmother's birthday had just passed. I went & bought a cake for both of them. You had to see the look on her face when I told her to look @ the cake. She couldn't believe that I remembered her birthday. That was a beautiful day.

When I was down & out because I was having the worst time getting an interview or any temp work, I called her. We were on the phone for about an hour & we prayed together & she preached to me. BTW, their are only two people that I allow to preach to me. By the end of the conversation, she said she was going to pray a little more & but in a request with the Lord; then tomorrow she would say another pray @ church & light a candle for me. Whatever she said to the Lord, it worked because I got the job @ NYU. Muchas gracias Abuela.. Todo lo que you hago vas a se por ti, hoy y siempre.

This sucks-tomorrow is the funeral & on Thursday my Uncle will be taking her to DR for another funeral & her burial. My parents are already in DR, so they will be around for that one. I on the other hand am alone & don't know what to do. I called Mommy & told her that I didn't want to go tomorrow & she said that whatever I decided will be fine with her. I have never been to a wake without my parents & everyone knows that I don't go near the casket. My mother traumitzed me but that's another story. I know that I will hate myself later if I don't go but I don't know. I'll figure it out tomorrow but I think I'll go because I know I have to go.

The only question I have now is who's going to tell me my childhood stories with such joy?

Yipeee!! My Parents Are Coming Back

last night I purchased my Dad's ticket back to the states. We are excited about his return & can't wait to see him. I miss my Papa a lot especially since he has been gone since November. With him being here in the states, I am a little more @ ease when it comes to medical condition. You see, he had a kidney transplant some time ago & he has diabetes {found that out the hardway when I had to rush him to the hospital}. Lala called my Dad today to tell him that she has a credit card & that she paid for his ticket back to NY. She also reminded him that she was rich because he told her that she doesn't have a credit card or money.

My father is not expecting anyone to show up @ the airport because Lala has Communion class & Rodney works. Little does he know that Lala will not be @ Communion class because we are going to surprise him @ the airport.

My mother is coming back on the 16th, & of course we are all excited about her return. Especially Lala, who decided to call my mother on the 1st of the month; to remind her that it's February 1st & that she has started a countdown till she sees her @ the airport. Both of them are so excited to see each other & even better--Lala has Mid-Winter Recess. No School for a whole week, so that's 7 whole days to have my mother all to herself. Ms. Lala doesn't like it when Mommy's attention & love are on someone else. To tease her, I hug & kiss Mommy & tell her to tell me that she loves me a lot & make her squeeze me tight. It's funny cause Lala gets mad & starts to push me away from mommy & if I don't breakaway--hell breaks loose. The poor child starts to cry & walks away, Mommy of course calls her & tells her a bunch of crap {sweetness as she calls it} so she stops crying.

Good times, good memories...can't wait to relive them again.

Perfect Attendance

Wednesday night Lala gave us a flyer informing parents that on Friday their will be a ceremony for students who had perfect attendance for the month of December & January & Student of the Month. Instead of telling those students that they will be getting an award, they made the parents go check a list that was posted on a wall next to the Main Office. So Thursday morning, Lala & I went to check the wall & Lord & behold, my Pooka's name was on the list for Perfect Attendance.

{our conversation}



M: your name is on the list, congrats. {hug & kiss}

L: are you & Daddy coming to see me?

M: you know that I'll be there, you have to ask Daddy later

L: i want mcdonald's tomorrow cause i went to school everyday

M: you got money?

L: no, but it's Friday & you get paid

M: who told you that?

L: you, you said you get paid on Fridays & tomorrow is Friday

M: i don't get paid every Fridays, go downstairs & be with your friends

{once we get to the first floor, my daughter just starts walking towards her friends}

Friday morning we did the breakfast thing & then headed school. Once downstairs in the Auditorum, Lala sat with her class & I took my seat waiting to see if Vincent was going to show up. Sure enough he made it & just in time, he went over to Lala & took pictures of her & friends as well as with her teacher. After awhile the ceremony was underway, all students who name was called had to stay standing until they finish calling all names, so that everyone can give them a round of applause. It was funny because the kids in their class was shouting out their friends that recieved a certificate. Vincent kept saying "so he/she is the popular one", funny because when Lala's name was called sure enough plenty of "yeah, you go Nasifa" was being shouted. I turned to Vincent & said "guess your daughter's popluar as well" & of course he took credit for that. After they were done with Perfect Attendance, they moved on to Student of the Month.
These are students that the teacher has noticed that they have been advancing in class. After that they were a couple of performances but I only saw two because I do have to go to work.

Vincent had a little chat with Lala @ home, explaining to her that he would like to see her receive an award for Student of the Month. She said that she wanted one too & that she will be more focused on school & try not to have an attitude about schoolwork or towards friends.
We are keeping our fingers crossed & praying that she get's one before the end of the school year.

Good Luck Nasifa..